Sunday, February 15, 2015

Trigger warning: this blog for mature audiences

I've been doing a lot of writing about writing lately. I'm starting a podcast series soon, and I have an upcoming talk at the VSRA (virginia state reading association) yearly conference in Richmond on March 13 on writing the 'tween novel you wanted to read as a child.

Both highly lucrative engagements (can you sense the subtle sarcasm here?), but somehow I don't think even a series of such jobs is going to keep me in the style of printer ink and paper to which I would like to become accustomed.

So I'm looking at the phenomenon (yeah, you guessed it) of Fifty Shades of Gray. I mean, I admit I was a little pissed off at J.K. Rowling, but at least that woman put in the work. And she could write. 

But badly written soft "porn" that isn't even really porn but is abusive and degrading to women but that's ok because it was written by a woman?  Admit it, don't we all secretly (or not so secretly) hate her for making that kind of money off this kind of crap? And don't we all wish we could make millions selling badly written drivel?

Do not despair, my friends. I don't think our gold ring has passed us by for good. Remember how many parodies sprung up from just a couple of songs from Frozen? And that wasn't even that bad a movie, for a Disney film.

I've already seen several fine parodies of the trailer for Fifty Shades. (Can you believe you don't even have to use the whole title and people know what you mean? It's like she's Beyonce, for heaven's sake) 
My personal favorite is the Lego parody, altho Fifty Shades of Aye is close behind. But there's just something about two Lego figurines clawing at each other's painted clothes in an elevator . . .

You see where I'm going? There's a market here, I'm sure of it. We just have to specialize, narrow our sights a bit. We don't have to make it into every airport  bookstall in the country. There's a ton of niche markets out there, filled with well-read book buyers looking for something that's a little more up their alley.

Niche markets. E.L. James made it ok to read this stuff on the subway, Why not hardcover coffee table books?

I've already got the horsey set covered with my soon to be bestseller Fifty Snorts of Neigh.
And for sequels I'm taking on the Christmas market with Fifty Seats in Sleigh, then I'm gonna hit the farming community with Fifty Rolls in Hay .

Don't worry. There's plenty to go around. I'll be busy writing those for at least 5 days, then while I'm figuring out how to spend the millions I'm raking in, you guys can take over.

Imagine the possibilities . . .
Then send them to me in the comments section below. I've already got a publisher or two in mind.